Take A Breath
by Adina Mizu
Summary: John decides to bring back one of the oldest yet still most amusing pranks ever. Karkat knows there's something going on but can't quite figure out what. While he waits for the perfect moment John finds himself able to enjoy some formerly forbidden treats. Well, almost anyway.


It was just another day at Karkat's hive where the troll was on pesterchum with most likely Sollux or Gamzee and John was...Being John. In other words he was watching Karkat from the other side of the couch while working out some minor details in his head that pertained to what he had been planning to do for the better part of the day. And Karkat had no idea. At least, he wasn't quite sure about it yet.

TA: hey, you were the one two a2k me kk

CG: YEA, BUT I DIDN'T MEAN FOR YOU TO ACT LIKE A DICK.

TA: iim ju2t beeiing hone2t here

CG: THERE'S A FUCKING FIRST.

TA: fuck you kk

TA: ii dont liie and your program2 are 2hiit

TA: kk?

TA: oh come on that wa2nt even that bad compaiired two our u2ual 2hiit

TA: kk?

TA: you 2tiil there?

CG: OH MY GOG DO YOU EVER STOP TYPING?

CG: DAMN NEAR SENT ME A PARAGRAPH BECAUSE I STOPPED RESPONDING FOR A GOG DAMN SECOND.

TA: well you are e2peciially 2en2atiive

CG: FUCK YOU CAPTOR

TA: 2o what2 got you 2o preoccupiied all the 2udden?

CG: IT'S JOHN

TA: jn?

TA: what2 he doiing?

CG: NOTHING.

CG: THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM.

TA: how i2 that a problem?

CG: WHEN JOHN ISN'T DOING SOMETHING HE'S PLANNING SOMETHING.

CG: WHICH, FOR THE RECORD, IS NEVER A GOOD THING.

TA: affraiid he'2 goiing to get you wiith another ma2k?

CG: FUCK YOU!

CG: HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IT WAS A FUCKING MASK?

TA: doe2n't really matter doe2 iit though?

TA: you 2tiill paniiced liike a grub at the 2iight of iit

CG: FUCK YOU, I DID NOT!

CG: I WAS STARTLED, NOTHING MORE!

TA: that'2 not what jn told me

CG: GOG DAMNIT

TA: niice try though, coveriing iit up liike that.

TA: kk?

TA: kk, what are you doiing now?

CG: DAMNIT, I HAVE TO GO.

TA: what?

TA: why?

CG: HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.

TA: how do you know?

TA: ju22t becau2e he'2 'not doiing anythiing'?

CG: JEGUS, HE'S FUCKING GIGGLING NOW LIKE I CAN'T HEAR HIM FROM RIGHT FUCKING ACROSS FROM ME.

TA: he'2 laughiing?

TA: that'2 the giive away?

CG: DAMN IT CAPTOR, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- CarcinoGeneticist [CG] Ceased Trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: oh come on kk

TA: don't leave me hangiing liike thiis.

TA: come back and explaiin the 2iinii2ter nature of laughiing!

- twinArmageddons [TA] Ceased Trolling CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

Karkat closed his chat box but left his crabtop open on his lap. He would occasionally tap at the keys to make it look like he was still talking, though with how lax his button mashing was one could easily tell he was faking it. John, sitting across from his still, was trying to contain his laughter as he thought about his 'master plan' some more. He didn't realize at the moment how audible it was though both a good and bad sign. Good because it at least gave the Cancer a bit of a heads up, but bad because that usually meant it was one of his more...elaborate or unorthodox pranks.

After a few moments had passed John started to tap and Karkat's foot with his own. The troll ignored him as he continued to fake type. When the tapping became more incessant Karkat glanced up at John with questioning eyes. John smiled back at him. Not just smiled though, i_Egbert/i_ smiled. The smile that preceded a jump to his tricksters gambit.

"What?" Karkat asked when the other failed to actually say anything.

"I'm hungry." He stated simply.

"So? Make something to eat." Karkat replied and went back to staring at his computer.

John frowned at that and shifted so that he was on his knees on the couch before the troll. Leaning forward the Heir forced the crabtop closed as he sank forward until he was laying on the trolls stomach, the computer awkwardly placed between them. Karkat didn't protest the action, though the placement of the computer was now causing the sides to bite into his abs and thighs.

"I don't want to just 'make something'." John said once he was settled.

"Then what? you want me to cook or something?" Karkat asked, suspicious of the boys true intent.

"Well," John's face lit up a bit, "You never really make any Alternian food."

"Because we don't know how your human body would handle it." Karkat replied with a frown.

"Well how are we ever going to find out if I don't ever get to try it?" John asked, face also starting to form a frown.

"John, it could potentially kill you."

"But it might not! I mean, I had a bit of the weird fruit thing that time-"  
"You mean that time Jade nearly died from eating the same thing?" Karkat asked sharply.

"Okay, bad example-"

"No. Perfect example. If Rose hadn't been there Jade would be dead."

"But, that was allergies! Jade's like, a special case!" John argued valiantly.

"John, just because you didn't have the same reaction to the same thing as she did doesn't mean you won't have that reaction to something else. And honestly I don't think I'd be able to do anything to help you if that happened." Karkat was now running a hand though the boys hair, his scowl softer then before.

"Karkat." John sighed leaning his head into the others hand, "That's not going to happen."

"You don't know that."

Nothing was spoken as the troll leaned down to connect their foreheads.

"What if," John started after a moment, "What if I got some of the insulin Rose used on Jade? It helps no matter what the allergy is or anything."

Karkat was silent at the inquiry. He had no real knowledge of human medicines other then what John had taught him thus far. He hadn't really lied about what did what so then that means he was being truthful about what the insulin-whatever could do.

"But why take the risk in the first place? We have plenty of earth food for you to eat."

"But that's not fair to you then."

"John, I'm fine with it. Most of it's not that bad, some of it's even pretty good."

"That's not the point. I want to eat the same stuff you do!" John pouted at this.

"Why?" Karkat asked, inwardly smiling at the expression on his matesprites face.

"It's like..." John had to think a moment, "It's like when you stop sleeping in your slime bed just to sleep with me on the bed."

"John-"

"I know you sleep better in the slime and stuff, but you always sleep with me instead.-"

"Because I sleep even better next to you." The troll replied nuzzling into John's head.

"Not true. You get those nightmares." John replied pulling his head back.

"You do too. What kind of matesprite would I be if I left you to that by yourself while I slept in the slime?"

"Karkaaaaat, your missing the point." John whined.

"That being?"

"You always have to change things about yourself to match me and that's not fair. So now I want to do something to match you. Eating your food is hardly a life altering challenge"

"Is if it it changes you into a corpse." Karkat replied bluntly.

"But, with the insulin-" John broke off with a minor grunt of frustration.

Karkat though it over a second time while John looked at him expectantly. His expression was a mix of hope and pleading, he really wanted this though Karkat didn't know why it was a thing. With a sign the Cancer gave up on this particular fight.

"Fine, if you can get the stuff then I guess it'd be fine."

"Really?" John asked, his face warping into his happy grin once more.

When Karkat nodded John dove forward to hug him tightly, ignoring the grunts the troll gave as the laptop was pressed into him more. After the near death hug John sat up straight and started for the medicine cabinet he had made in the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Karkat asked as the Heir left so suddenly.

"To see what I can try." John replied happily, "I asked Rose if she could get me the insulin after what happened with Jade just to be safe."

Karkat sighed heavily with a minor groan. Of course. Of fucking course he had it already. how was that ever in question? If he had been planning to ask about eating Alternian food beforehand with what had happened with Harley then of course he was going to be prepared for the negotiation part. Karkat swore he could see the Seer's hand in this particular affair.

With another sigh Karkat got up and headed into the kitchen as well as he could hear John already rummaging through the temp-refrigerator. Karkat entered the room and found, predictably, that John had all but crawled into the thing as he searched out the Alternian food that Karkat had packed in there away from his human food. Just as a precaution and all.

"What exactly are you looking for?" Karkat asked seeing the mess the boy was making of the fridge.

"I dunno, something 'troll'." John replied giddily.

The Cancer then stepped up and pushed the other out of the way and reached into it himself. Pulling out a bottle of odd colored liquid the troll held it out to the human. John looked at it with a bit of confusion though which made the other roll his eyes.

"It's juice." He stated as if it were obvious.

"But-"

"No. If we're doing this then we are starting off small." Karkat interrupted earning another pout from the Heir.

Handing off the bottle to John Karkat turned back to the fridge picking out a cup of 'pudding' that the boy was fond of. John had to juggle the bottle in his hands quickly in order to catch it as the troll tossed it his way.

"You said you were hungry." Karkat stated in answer to John's questioning look.

As John set both cup and bottle on the counter to get a glass for the beverage Karkat took the time to look the place over quickly while the others back was turned, namely around his chair. By the time John had turned back around Karkat was seated and watching him studiously.

"What?" He asked, a bit unnerved by the look.

"Where's the stuff? The fucking insulin shit or whatever."

"Oh," John reached into his pocket and placed the odd looking pen thing on the counter, "It's easy to use. If I have any kind of reaction just jam this in my arm or chest."

"You have to stab yourself with it?" Karkat asked a bit shocked.

John was not one to _want_ to get stabbed by anything for whatever reason. John even hesitated at the trolls words.

"It's not a stab, it's...an injection. You were there when-"

"Jegus, I wasn't _watching_." Karkat blurted out.

"Calm down, it's not that bad. It's not 'stabbing' and I probably wont even need it." John replied, still pouring the drink in his glass.

"Yea, just like I 'probably' wont have a heat-attack if you do." The troll grumbled.

John smirked and rolled his eyes at that. He was about to lift the glass to his lips when Karkat's hand was placed over it, stopping him. Looking towards the troll John saw the look of apprehension on the others face.

"It'll be fine. It's just juice." John said comfortingly, "I'll be fine."

Reluctantly the Cancer removed his hand from the glass and watched anxiously as John lifted it to his lips. Taking a small sip John let it roll over his tongue to get the taste of it before ingesting too much. The taste was...different, but not bad. There wasn't really a flavor he could place, but it wasn't exactly a mystery either. It was sweet, but also a bit bitter.

Karkat watched as John stood across from him with the glass in hand and he swished the liquid around in his mouth. He looked over all the boys features for any sign that it was making him sick. When John finally swallowed the first bit he gave the troll a smile before drinking some more. When everything seemed to be fine the troll let out the breath he had been holding.

"See? Told you I'd be fine." John said after downing the glass, "It's not bad either. What exactly is in it?"

"It's juice John. Fruits and shit go into it." The troll replied.

"I know that much." John laughed, "I meant what kind of juice is it _exactly_, like humans have apple juice and grape juice and stuff."

"It's just a bunch of fruits put together. This may be hard for you to understand, but it's just a fruit juice. It doesn't have a specific type or anything. It's like, the base brand or whatever. The gog damn starting point for any other gog damn drink." Karkat answered.

"Hm." John placed a hand on his chin thoughtfully, "So then, does that mean trolls only have one kind of juice?"

"Of course not, this is just the stuff I like best. Drinks like this are made from whatever shit is in your specific area."

"Like regional drinks?"

"Pretty much. This is the stuff that I got back at my old hive on Alternia." Karkat replied, standing to put the drink away.

"So then, it's like a piece of home." John stated with a small smile, watching the troll.

"Whatever." Karkat shrugged, "It's just the stuff I like."

As the troll leaned forward into the fridge to replaced the juice behind the humans own selection on drinks John made his move. Swiveling out of his chair he slipped up behind the other and hooked his fingers over the hem of the others pants. In one swift motion he tugged down, effectively pantsing the troll. The troll let out a surprised chirp dropping the bottle he had been putting back.

"_EGBERT!_" Karkat growled, though the Heir had long before taken off for the living room.

John was laughing hysterically as he fled the room and hoofed it up the stairs as he heard the troll start to give chase. Once at the top John sent a gust of wind down the hall to open all the doors whilst ducking into the bedroom. Karkat appeared at the top of the stair a moment later, face red with anger and his pants once more securely over his hips. He glared down the hall but turned off into the bedroom almost immediately as he followed the boys scent.

John held his breath as Karkat entered and tried to keep himself from laughing any further, at least until he had another opening for escape. He could see the Cancer was trying to hear him from the way his ears twitched. When the other started to stalk towards him he was sure he was caught, but instead the troll walked right passed him and into the adjoining bathroom. Having managed to keep concealed the boy couldn't help a giggle at having not been found. That, of course, gave him away and he had to dart from behind the dresser and out the door as Karkat all but sprinted after him.

"_Egbert, get back here!_" The troll hollered as the chase continued.

"Nope." John called out in response.

Being upstairs was putting the John at the disadvantage and so he turned sharply in order to re-trace his steps down stairs and, with luck, out the door and to the skies. As he heard the others feet catching up to him quickly John let out a squeal of excitement as he started his rushed decent. However, in his haste John had miscalculated his steps and before he knew it he was tumbling forward, hands splayed out in an attempt to catch himself. It failed. With a heavy thud John found himself at the bottom of the staircase facing the ceiling.

"_JOHN!_" Karkat called from above him, but it wasn't in anger anymore.

He had seen the boy start to fall and had almost managed to grab him arm but missed. John had twisted and rolled down the steps before finally being shot off into the living room. It would have been at least mildly amusing, except_ John wasn't breathing_.

Karkat moved to the Heir's side as the boy gasped desperately. He needed air, to replace what the fall had stolen from his lungs. Karkat leaned over him, calling his name and panicking as John just lay there and struggled for a breath. It seemed like forever before his lungs started to function normally again. He coughed and sucked in greedily to restore the balance in his body. Seeing John was breathing again a look of relief flooded the others face and he pulled the other into a tight embrace.

"John. John, oh my fucking gog. Jegus fucking-" Karkat rambled.

"Geez, take a breath Karkat." John wheezed out.

"You first, Fuckass." Karkat replied giving another squeeze.

John chuckled and hugged him back.

"You're a fucking idiot you know that?" Karkat asked suddenly, a slight anger slipping into his voice, "Fucking pranks and gog damn running around. You could at least watch were the fuck you're stepping gog damnit."

"I'm sorry, Karkat." John apologized with a light chuckle, "I'll be more careful, okay?"

The troll grunted his reply because honestly it was John and he would never really 'be more careful'. John pulled away from the hug and as if knowing the other didn't believe him he leaned forward to seal the promise with a kiss. Karkat at the contact jolted with surprise and puled away quickly. John gave the troll a confused look as the Cancer ran his tongue over his lips.

"Oh." John starts suddenly, "I forgot I was wearing chap stick."

"What?" The troll looked at him quizzically.

"Chap stick. It's what humans put on their lips to keep them from getting dry or damaged by weather and stuff." John explained, "My lips usually get chapped in the warmer weather, so I got some."

"Does, it all taste like that?"

"No, I just really like the watermelon flavor, though strawberry and cherry are my favorites. I didn't get them though because I end up just licking it off my lips-"

John was interrupted by Karkat pressing their lips together again. His tongue traced the boys lips and John smiled at that. Pulling away again John gave the troll a grin.

"I think you should try the other flavors too."

"Maybe I will." Karkat agreed before pulling them together again.

Needless to say this particular makeout lasted a while. John also needed to re-apply the chap stick a few times too as Karkat insisted on licking it right off on occasion.


End file.
